Ready, Set, New Year!

December 31, 2008 via text to my friend J:

"What are you wearing tonight, I just want to look cute?! I am going to Macy's to see if they have the boots I want on sale. I want to wear a dress but it is soooo cold out-no matter I won't be kissing anyone regardless!"

Now the words above are not entirely correct, but I do remember having a conversation with my girl friend J like that before she came over to my house for a long night of need I say, "What did I do???".

Yep that was me a year ago, not even single for a full year, trying everything I could to cover up the blemish that I thought leaving my sons father had created. Little did I know at the time it was the blemish I was creating by dating a ton and drinking too much those first few months that I would have to face head on in 2009.

Well...January 1, 2009 I had a massive headache and a clear vision that has followed me through to 3 days ago when I read this post on mssinglemama.com . The vision I had is irrelevant, however after viewing her post (do it!) I realized that a lot has been unfulfilled and I am still where I was one year ago.

Now, I have replaced the alcohol with running (and may I say I look hot), my two jobs with one great one, and the random men for more solid relationships...my point is I have changed a lot and mostly for the better. My evolution is ready to hit it's peak where I really am starting to understand myself, and it's awesome. However, there was still that need to have men in my life-how silly but their attention is my vulnerability.

I don't think I am alone when I wish and hope that I could find that one true person that I can share my thoughts and feelings with. Someone to help me with my son when his hyperness has reached it' peak and I am going to lose it. Mainly though, I am looking forward to meeting that someone. So much so that i think almost every guy I date is "that someone". My naivete in regards to what I need and want has since the beginning of 2009 turned into empowerment.

I know longer need the attention and affection from a man. I will be making more attempts to meet other single mothers. I won't make excuse as to why I cannot bring myself around couples and their kids. I will stop cleaning when my son asks me to play with him (my house does not need to be spotless all the time!!!).

I will it.

All the silly mistakes I made last year I have learned from and I cannot wait to make new mistakes in the upcoming year. However I know it will be with great clarity that I attempt to move forward as well.

Here's to 2010!!!

p.s. I am sitting home with My Lovely Boy an d he was asleep by 8:30, win for me!!!

Newness for the New Year!

For starters, I am single again. Yippee! Not really, but I like the idea of getting my checks and balances in place again before I commit to another relationship.



Secondly...I will start to have my son Sunday through Thursday evening every week. That means 5 dinner's a week and breakfasts too...I am scared as hell to do the full-time Mom thing. I know I can do it, I know it is not all about dinner and breakfasts but more about a solid routine for My Lovely Boy. He deserves it. His father(my son's) has committed to having him every weekend, he will pick him up from daycare on Friday and drop him off at my house Sunday afternoon. You see, he FINALLY got a new job..he had a dead end job that was going know where and I am so thankful that he found something. I really hope this is the year things turn around for him...



So anyways-being single, having my son full-time all totally new. I am excited and feel refreshed and slightly hyper at the thought of all of it. WHEW. Deep Breath.



Last but not least I will attempt to post more :)

Happy New Year!