Ready, Set, New Year!

December 31, 2008 via text to my friend J:

"What are you wearing tonight, I just want to look cute?! I am going to Macy's to see if they have the boots I want on sale. I want to wear a dress but it is soooo cold out-no matter I won't be kissing anyone regardless!"

Now the words above are not entirely correct, but I do remember having a conversation with my girl friend J like that before she came over to my house for a long night of need I say, "What did I do???".

Yep that was me a year ago, not even single for a full year, trying everything I could to cover up the blemish that I thought leaving my sons father had created. Little did I know at the time it was the blemish I was creating by dating a ton and drinking too much those first few months that I would have to face head on in 2009.

Well...January 1, 2009 I had a massive headache and a clear vision that has followed me through to 3 days ago when I read this post on mssinglemama.com . The vision I had is irrelevant, however after viewing her post (do it!) I realized that a lot has been unfulfilled and I am still where I was one year ago.

Now, I have replaced the alcohol with running (and may I say I look hot), my two jobs with one great one, and the random men for more solid relationships...my point is I have changed a lot and mostly for the better. My evolution is ready to hit it's peak where I really am starting to understand myself, and it's awesome. However, there was still that need to have men in my life-how silly but their attention is my vulnerability.

I don't think I am alone when I wish and hope that I could find that one true person that I can share my thoughts and feelings with. Someone to help me with my son when his hyperness has reached it' peak and I am going to lose it. Mainly though, I am looking forward to meeting that someone. So much so that i think almost every guy I date is "that someone". My naivete in regards to what I need and want has since the beginning of 2009 turned into empowerment.

I know longer need the attention and affection from a man. I will be making more attempts to meet other single mothers. I won't make excuse as to why I cannot bring myself around couples and their kids. I will stop cleaning when my son asks me to play with him (my house does not need to be spotless all the time!!!).

I will it.

All the silly mistakes I made last year I have learned from and I cannot wait to make new mistakes in the upcoming year. However I know it will be with great clarity that I attempt to move forward as well.

Here's to 2010!!!

p.s. I am sitting home with My Lovely Boy an d he was asleep by 8:30, win for me!!!